Rejection to Eric Wellman

Dear Eric Wellman,
you couldn't be my sling if you were the last man on earth. you are honestly the most annoying person I have ever had the misfortune to nsit next to. You are inhumanly gangly and awkward when you walk. No one likes you, not even a little bit.

dont talk to me ever again,
your secret love

Michael's True Love

Dear Big Texas grande Belt-Buster Burger,
all I think about is you. I have only had you once but I will never forget it as long as I live. You are like nothing I have ever tasted and it hurts to not have you all the time. I am in Ohio and you are in Texas but there is no distance that can stop my love and hunger for you. You make me want to pack up and move right to Dallas so I can have you whenever I want. Are you a Library card? Because I would love to check you out. Are you a parking ticket? Because you have FINE written all over you. I'll be there for you, these five words i swear to you.